I'm sure that at some point in your life you've watched at least one episode of "The Brady Bunch." Let's face it, it's unavoidable. The show is seen in damn near every country on the planet and consistently makes people laugh, and, more importantly, think. Just consider it: right now folks in Bosnia are relaxing after a harrowing day of ducking sniper's bullets by viewing the hilarious hi-jinx of the Brady clan. Can you possibly think of anything more soothing on the nerves than watching the classic "Broken Vase" episode? What do you mean you don't remember that one? It's the one where Peter accidentally breaks Carol's favorite vase with a basketball even after she had said, "don't play ball in the house." In an attempt to cover up their wrong doing the kids glue it back together only to have it spring a leak at dinner. When the parents demand to know who the culprit is, all the kids claim responsibility- except Peter. You see, he was supposed to go on a camping trip and the other kids covered for him knowing that he'd be grounded and then he wouldn't be allowed to go on the trip. His conscious eventually gets the best of him and he confesses, no surprise to his parents. They knew all along, they just wanted him to admit his wrongdoing. The moral of this story is an obvious one: be honest; liars never prosper. Of course there were others: the "oh my nose!" episode, the "we saw Greg, and he was smoking!" episode, and the legendary "Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!" episodes. But did you know about the "Lost Episodes?" No? Well, that's no big surprise; you see, these were shows that were filmed and either didn't make it to the airwaves, or were yanked and stuck in a vault after their initial showing. The reason the Network gave for these acts of censorship tended to be vague, they generally referred to them as "unwholesome filth." They hoped that the few fans who saw the originals would forget about them and they denied totally the existence of the unaired shows. Little did they understand the power of "The Bunch." This reporter first heard the rumors of these shows about ten years ago, but the networks refused to make any type of comment about them. Later I tried to get information from the cast members themselves but was greeted with open hostility by every single one of them. As a matter of fact, when Florence Henderson was asked about the missing episodes she told me that I could, and I quote, "Go find a lame mule and fuck it up the ass!" Luckily for mankind, this reporter was able to invoke The Freedom Of Information Act and gain access to these lost treasures. Here's a brief summary of several of them. "Daddy's Little Girl" is from the first season, and it has the singular distinction of being the only show in Network history to be yanked off the air in mid-broadcast. In it, Mike and Carol come into conflict when it's discovered that Mike has been having sexual relations with Marcia. Not funny, you say? Well you're wrong. It turns out that Carol doesn't care that the two are having sex, she's just annoyed that she wasn't included. After all, Mike's included whenever she has sex with Bobby now isn't he? Later the whole conflict is resolved and a massive Brady orgy ensues. "Doggy Parts" answers the long asked question, "whatever happened to Tiger?" In this episode, Mike loses his job as an architect after rumors surface at work that he's gay. In desperation, the family is forced to lay off Alice and go on welfare. As things get worse the family is also forced to start a child prostitution ring in order to pay the bills; one of the funnier moments involves a double penetration scene with Jan. Unfortunately for the family, the police show up and demand a percentage of all their profits. When the family refuses they get shut down, and Mike is forced to watch as Carol gets gang raped. With his family near starvation, Mike makes the heart wrenching decision of serving Tiger up as Sunday dinner. In one of the most convincing animal mutilation scenes in T.V. history, Mike carves up Tiger with a butcher knife. Ironically, mere moments after they start dinner the phone rings; it's Mike's ex-boss telling him that he's been re-hired at the firm. The family can't help but see the humor of the situation. "Doggy Parts" never made it to air. "The Truth" was an episode from the fourth season. In this poignant tale Alice reveals that she is, in fact, a lesbian (shocker) and that her entire relationship with Sam had been a lie. Later she brings home her lover Mandy. At first the Brady's are a little nervous about the whole thing, but, with time, they learn to get over it. This episode aired once, the network deciding that the content was "wrong" for family fair. "Colors" dealt with the ever volatile issue of racism. A black family moves in next door and the Brady's are forced to deal with their own prejudices. We get to see the togetherness of the family as they build a cross in the garage. At one point Carol hurls a fire bomb at the neighbor house while screaming, "Go back where you came from!" The issue is resolved when the police force the black family out of the neighborhood. This episode also aired only once. In an effort to stem the charges of racism the network fired the writer, Miguel Chavez. The network president claimed that Mr. Chavez was, "just some Mexican that was trying to stir up trouble." If you want to see these episodes or any of the ones that weren't touched on, you'll be happy to know that they will soon be released onto video. It should be noted that none of the people involved with the show want this to happen. One unidentified cast member put it this way, "people remember us as a loving family that could overcome any problem fairly easily. I just worry about the reaction that fans might have when they see us hungrily chowing down on the beloved family pet. It just doesn't seem very Brady, you know?" In this reporter's humble opinion the cast members fears are baseless. Who of us hasn't had a bad day? It just makes them seem more real, and in the end that's all you can ask for. Anyway, that's all for this story. But keep in touch, I'm currently investigating a story that involves the legendary "Partridge Family" sex tapes. God, I love being a reporter!