All of my life people have told me what a classic “Snow White And The Seven Dwarves” was, I had to take their word for it. You see, not only had I never seen it, I didn’t want to see it. I mean, I pretty much hated all the so-called Disney “classics.” I was a boy, and they made very few movies that appealed to me.
Oh sure; there were a few that were supposed to be made for boys, “The Jungle Book,” “Pinochio,” and “Peter Pan,” but they weren’t really my cup of tea. As a matter of fact, each of them had a fairly disturbing aura to them.
Let’s take “Peter Pan” for example, first off I have difficulty with a character that Michael Jackson patterns himself after. Though I will admit that there are similarities, both surround themselves with young boys and aren’t particularly fond of girls. I doubt though if Peter ever had sex abuse charges filed against him by The Lost Boys.
I had a problem with the whole phallic symbolism aspect of Pinochio’s nose, you know; the hard growing protrusion on his face that kept getting longer and harder. I think counseling is needed for all involved.
And what about the bestiality that’s rampant in the “Jungle Book?” A young boy running around nearly naked through the jungle as different animals try to “get him.” What about that snake? As in Pinochio, phallic all the way.
Anyway, let’s get back on the subject of “Snow White.” It seems that the “classic” of today bears little resemblance to one that ol’ Walt had imagined. You see, there’s been a rumor going around for years that the current Snow White was actually the second version that was produced by Disney.
According to the rumor, the original was considered to be so repugnant that some members of test audiences were known to go into seizures. Well, like most I just took the rumor to be that, a rumor. That is until a former employee approached me one day and informed me that it was in fact true.
The employee who we’ll call “Deep Mouse” to protect his identity asked me to meet him on the teacup ride at Euro-Disney since it seemed that there would be little chance that we would be overheard there.
While on the sparsely populated ride “Deep Mouse” slipped me a package, “you’ll know what to do with it,” he said right before he jumped out of the teacup. He was less than ten yards away when a phalanx of Disney employees jumped him. My last glimpse of “Deep Mouse” was the sight of him leaping over a guard rail while being pursued by people both in costume and out.
I have no idea what became of him, though I hope beyond hope that he got away, but I fear that perhaps he sacrificed his life so I could escape and tell this story. Wherever you are my friend, may God bless you and keep you.
I made it back to the U.S. without incident, upon returning to my home I opened the package for the first time. Inside was an old sixteen millimeter film canister, on the side was a faded label that said, “Snow White,” and was dated October 1936. There was also a thick manila envelope with “do not open until you’ve seen the film,” written on it.
I checked out a movie projector from the library the next day, and set it up in my living room. It took me a couple of tries to get the film looped properly but eventually I got things working.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see, it was none other than the original “Snow White.” And now after viewing it, I can totally understand why it was kept under lock and key. I’ll be honest gentle reader, I questioned whether or not I should report on it. It was an agonizing decision, but “Deep Mouse” deserved to have the story told.
The story runs along the same general lines as the one known to the world, a beautiful young girl comes across a cabin deep in the woods. Of course everyone, whether they’ve seen it or not knows that inhabiting the cabin are seven dwarves.
The similarities end there.
The beloved Doc, Dopey, Happy, Grumpy, Sneazy, Bashful, and Sleepy, are nowhere to be seen. In their places reside the dregs of dwarfdom: Touchy, Feely, Sleazy, Sticky, Cranky, Creepy, and the worst of the group: Nazi.
When the disheveled band first lay eyes on poor Snow White, the looks they give her would make a pervert cringe. Realizing that she was in grave danger, Snow attempts to flee, unfortunately those little dwarf legs can move really fast when need be and the virginal beauty gets captured. As they drag her kicking and screaming back to the cabin by her hair they all sing, “My whore! My Whore!”
The following scene is fairly repulsive; I don’t know what could have possessed ol’ Walt to write it. I don’t want to go into the gory details, but one of the lines goes like this, “strip bitch, I will whip you now.”
You see, these dwarves are not miners; these dwarves operate a white slavery ring. Here’s one of the more revolting exchanges of dialogue.
“This li’l piece o’flesh is sure to bring us top dollar on the market. Hell, from whats I understands, that fat greasy Prince Charming is looking for an easy lay. I think we could sell Sweat Meat here to the doughboy.” Snickers the benevolent Sticky at one point.
“That’s a good idea, I just hope he don’t want a virgin, cause she ain’t no more!” Giggles the evil Touchy.
“Not a virgin seven times over,” smirks Feely.
“Eight, Creepy had seconds,” says Sleazy.
“If you vant my opinion, I say that ve should vhip her yet again!” Snarls the scarred Nazi as he replaces his monocle.
“Well, we don’t, it would bruise her more than necessary.” Grumbles the scowling Cranky.
Dear reader, the exchanges go on and on! At one point they use a local elf child for target practice!
The horrifying story ends when Snow White castrates the bloated Prince Charming with a pair of rusty hedge clippers. She then stands over him as he bleeds to death swinging his severed penis around like a toy, all the while singing, “Someday my Prince will cum.”
I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with that terrifying scene playing over and over again in my head.
The manila envelope was stuffed full of sketches and hand written notes. It took awhile to piece everything together, but I believe that these were none other than Mr. D’s own notes.
Among the items were character sketches and development ideas. Among the more interesting was the justification of the character “Nazi.”
“Should be popular in Europe...from the look of it the Germans are going to be pretty big there. Gives them something to relate to.” Reads one note.
Also among the items in the envelope were various reviews from a sneak preview that the studio gave: “ungodly,” read The New York Times, “Horrendous,” declared The Chicago Tribune,” “I liked it,” said the San Francisco Free Press.
It was apparent to all involved that the world wasn’t ready to see this movie. From what I’ve learned, it was decided that the film would be locked deep in a vault, never to be seen again. I have no idea how “Deep Mouse” gained access to it, but I must be honest when I say that I wish that he’d just left it there.
In my humble opinion, the world still isn’t ready for it, at first I contemplated destroying the thing. But after careful consideration I decided against it.
I re-packaged the whole mess and turned it over to a Catholic Priest. I had him promise me that he would never reveal the contents of the package to anyone unless and until he felt the world was ready.
I was fairly confident that I could trust him, but unfortunately I read in the paper just the other day that he had been arrested for a series of sex crimes dating back to the 1960’s. I have no idea what happened to the package or its contents, but I hope they’ve fallen into responsible hands.
Sleep well.