How do you measure a life in these modern times? If you are like most people, you do it in pictures. It is like an obsession. Like a mistrust of memory. Whether you do it instantly, disposably, in neon colors, or in the new digital medium, I bet you have a box of photos. A box of photos, as I mean it, can be any number of things. Slides- like the ones uncle Howard always showed after his vacations to places like Wisconsin or Toledo. 8x10's on the mantle- like grandma always used to show that her love was not at all equal, as she was always anxious to point out that she was a real American. Folders of pictures on your hard drive- such as my friend Bob collects on his PC. Or what I mean when I say a box of photos- a literal box of photos in my closet. I rarely show these to anyone. But I am willing to share them with you. It's not that I feel close to you, or that I care, but more the anonymizing effect of the internet- that I don't care, that you are not real to me. In fact, I find that posting the most intimate of thoughts on the internet is a thing of ease. I am not alone in this opinion. No, No, My friends (a figment of speech), most people will be totally self-indulgent on the internet. Look at the popularity of "web diaries" or "blogs" as they call them. Yes, just look. Just look. This is my penis next to a northwest evergreen. For comparison purposes, and a sense of perspective, the tree is exactly 400 feet tall. This is my penis on a vacation trip to Spain. Here he is wearing a sombrerro that was purchased at a Spanish specialty shop. Olay! This is my penis at the high school football tryouts. Didn't make the cut. In retrospect it was all for the best. This is my penis at the WTO riots. The makeshift gas mask did not help out much. This is my penis at the grand canyon. Terrifying. This is my penis the day Windows 95 came out. Boy was that an overhyped media event. I never understood how such a little thing could get so much media attention. This is my penis at the taping of the last Seinfeld. Man, there were a lot of disappointed fans that night. This is my penis with Ron Jeremy at a 7-ll. Ron is the one with the hot dog. This is my penis at a local chapter of N.O.W. special meeting. This is my penis out on the streets during the hard times. Spare some change mister? This is my penis reading "The Will to Power." What a great book. This is my penis breaking up an Ayn Rand study group by pointing out cold hard reality. What a bunch of self-deluded idiots. This is my penis on a trip to Cuba. Did not get to meet Fidel this time around, but sent my regards. This is my penis being kicked out of easter mass at saint Auggies. Religious oppression is never pretty. This is my penis on drugs. This is my penis at the big family reunion. It was a shame that everyone could not come out that year. This is my penis at a charity car wash. I love it when people come together for a good cause. This is my penis looking upwards, confident in the future. These are my memories. I'm sure you have your own.