How much is that simulacrum in the window? There is a correlation between being broke and wanting to buy everything; just as there is a correlation between dieting and wanting to eat everything in sight. You know it’s true. Having retooled my diet again, I've recently gone through the massive cravings stage. Instead of the old standard, fried chicken, what I crave is sausage pizza. For days. Sausage Pizza, Sausage Pizza. Must have Sausage Pizza. With onions and mushrooms. And I’m lactose intolerant. I have not run into any of the scumbags who want to hand out dietetic advice yet. Those clueless souls who, when they hear I'm off meat and dairy, stand ever ready to say: "Your body is telling you something. You have to listen to your body. You'll get a deficiency. Your body is crying out for what it needs!" Indeed. My body needs sausage pizza and fried chicken. I cannot regulate my bodily processes properly without bacon double cheeseburgers. "Have you had your daily requirement of jelly donut jelly? The cheap jelly donuts scrimp on the jelly. You'll get a deficiency. There ought to be a law. Your body knows what it needs godamnit!! Let me take you to the dairy queen!" I have started exercising- walking several miles a day. This eats into my ability to time waste, a skill I have been carefully cultivating since the mid-nineties. Prior to this, I had been on the "Dick Cheney Plan," where I hired immigrants to do my exercising for me. Recently, I was assured by my doctors that this just does not work- like the "all meat diet" or "trickle down economics." He showed me a videotape featuring Mike Savage, explaining that the immigrant I hired would get fit and then eat my brain while I slept. I was scared straight. My xenophobia notched up to eleven, I now power walk with terror in my heart, as should you all. Now, while I walk I think about buying things. Because I’m an American, damnit. About that other thing: In America, even poor people hate the poor- which is a victory for social engineers and public relations men everywhere. Where else could you get people, really poor people, to vote against their own economic interest because they are actually convinced that some day they might be rich? All it takes is a lottery ticket. The ad push for the lottery is not chance but hope. Americans buy a lot of things. Both literally and metaphorically. Not only do I see them buy the most ridiculous products (just insert your favorite here), I often see them with their purchases from the “marketplace of ideas” which is kind of like the other stuff they buy- cheap, disposable, and shoddy. Come with me to the cocktail party of public sentiment: “Movies, music, and games cause violence.” “Hard work pays off. Minimum wage workers need to try harder.” “The innocent have nothing to fear in our legal system.” “Competition always makes things cheaper.” I was at that party, making a valiant effort to talk about art as a comment on society, the fallacy of wage-worth/ surplus value, how the legal system works in the real world, and laissez faire vs the law of diminishing return. They looked at me like I was a dog trying to teach them a trick. “How can you say that?” they said. “It goes against reason! You have to believe in the invisible hand of the market. The more you buy, the more you save! You keep this up and you’ll get a deficiency.” Before I left, I swatted each of them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. To be fair, everything today is unreal- breasts, presidents, economic recovery, moral systems, war, fast food, environmentalists, normalcy, happiness, and advertising. Especially advertising, which is responsible for most of the unreality out there. Happiness is for sale; or the image of happiness is anyway. Like you can tell the difference. Today, unreality is more real than reality. It’s been a long time coming. It always takes a while to perfect something. First we had live TV, comedies and dramas. Then we had TV recorded live on tape in front of a studio audience. Then we had canned laughter. Then we had comedies without laughter, the “dramady,” aka comedies that are not funny. We had news and we had entertainment. Then we had entertainment news. Then we had news as entertainment. We had documentaries. Then we had entertainment documentaries. Then we had real life TV, “reality TV,” aka real life that is unreal. First we had war reports on the evening news. Then we had war news and commentary, 24 hours a day. And the military actions all got entertainment friendly names, like “Operation Turf War” and “Operation Foxy Rockets.” First we had elections. Then we had televised debates. Then we had polls. Then we had focus groups. Then we had attack ads. Then we had televised fights about vote counting. That’s entertainment. I am going to start writing for reality TV. They may not have scripts but they have constructs. They have manipulations underlying reality. Just like in real life. Rock Star/politician - meet your killer, one of these people will betray you. Who will it be? The viewing public will vote to help you or hinder you. Good luck. WMD Gambit. We will give three dictators weapons of mass destruction and then challenge them to do as we say or not do as we say with them. Which action will be the correct one? Guilt or Innocence Challenge- The police bust into your home, shoot your dog, beat you, and arrest everyone in your house. A judge will rule on your guilt or innocence, based on polls and focus groups, and the viewing public will vote penalties. Please Act Normally. David Raffin is the editor of Vision? Nary! magazine. A writer and a performer, he may be contacted though his home page. 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