Vision? Nary!

Jimmy Kimmel, like many talk show hosts, hangs on for dear life- living and dying by audience share. Unfortunately for Jimmy, another network has discovered a newer and some say more exciting late-night talk show host--- a sack of wheat.

Scientists in a lab gather around a 50 pound sack of wheat on a desk. They plop a microphone in front of it and cardboard cutouts of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Andy Richter beside it.
Scientist 1: Success! This sack of wheat has definite television appeal.
Scientist 2: It's safe and non-offensive to most americans. This is what they crave- WHEAT.
Scientist 1: Non-offensive- And yet it has an edge... an edge of rebellion- that's refined white wheat!
Scientist 2: Dr. Atkins would roll in his grave. But even he would admit this is what America craves!

When the sack of wheat is given its own show opposite Kimmel, what ensues at the Kimmel Show is Bedlam. Donuts are hidden for fear that being seen with them is treasonous; they are eaten out of sight. People wear anti-wheat t-shirts.

JK producer: Dammit Jimmy- this sack of wheat is kicking your ass in the ratings!
Jimmy: It's the guests! The sack of wheat-- people are tuning in to see the guests. We have to get better bookings!
JK producer: Every big star wants to be seen with that sack of wheat! People love that sack of wheat. Men love it! Women love it! Celebrities love it! And that's all that matters at the end of the day! From now on Jimmy-- you're going to transform yourself into a sack of wheat. It's the only way.

And he did. Series of plastic surgeries and meetings with behavioral coaches result in a passable Jimmy-Kimmel-as-a-sack-of-wheat.

JK producer: The ratings have improved Jimmy. Your holding your own. No, don't speak, I like you better this way. Of course, now there is little to differentiate you from the others-- Oprah, Letterman, Leno, they're all sacks of wheat. The original sack of wheat has great ratings still, but you all hold your own. The problem is what's coming down the pike. Viewers are intrigued by the idea of a talk show headed by an empty chair. We don't know how we'll ever compete if someone pushes the boundary and gives an empty chair it's own show.