VN AfterTaste

The ball is in your court

My testicles look exactly like Osama bin Laden’s. Some people find this hard to believe, but it’s true. It is a terrible burden. Even just telling people, the look on their faces, they judge.

Some do ask how I know of this resemblance. They are trying to reassure me. To correct what they believe is a baseless assumption. I wish it were.
I know all too well what Osama bin Laden’s testicles look like. I’ve seen a line drawing that once hung at the local post office, a product of a zealously thorough Department of Homeland Security, who left no bush unturned.
As soon as I saw it… I recognized it immediately.
It was as familiar as the back of my hand.

The intent of Homeland Security was to use the drawing to prove a resemblance to Hitler. However, this resemblance is poor.
Hitler had only one testicle, while both Osama and I have two. I wish the comparison stopped there.
Otherwise, we do not look alike. Thank God.

Only under the closest of scrutiny do I resemble a terrorist. This has not stopped my being singled out for closer scrutiny at airports (I lost a jar of hazelnut cream at Schiphol), or being stopped in Washington State for walking. The officer in question at the latter incident actually said something about terrorism, and I swear he kept looking at my crotch, though I dared not mention it at the time.
Still, such occurrences are rather rare. For the most part I walk around undetected and unmolested. I think you need to see the drawing in question to draw the conclusion (In this way, it is a drawing of a drawing). Once you do, it is self evident.

I do have to say, given the large difference in our ages, the comparison serves only to flatter Mr. bin Laden. He has the testicles of a man many decades younger than himself.
Could this drawing be an archival rendering?
Am I being tormented by out-of-date intelligence?
I am not ordinarily outraged, but this is outrageous. Homeland Security has refused to clarify in any way.

Again, in daily life this does not come up. As long as I remain quiet.

I worry about the new scanners they want at the airport. The ones that see through clothes. That reveal the hidden. That necessarily compare me to Mr. bin Laden.
I may have to avoid air transport altogether and this is unfair.

And what of others?
Do your private parts resemble those of a person of interest?
Have you really looked?