VN AfterTaste

Manufacturers everywhere are trying to get rid of waste material. Heavy metals. Depleted uranium. Plastic bottles and bags. Soft metals. Gold.
Like anything, too much supply weakens the demand for gold. What to do? Get rid of that gold. This is the origin of the alcoholic beverage known as Goldschläger. Alcohol laced with lead, though drunk in ancient Rome, and alcohol laced with depleted uranium, though drunk in Indiana, have never caught on the same. Alcohol laced with used Teflon flakes is still only in the development phase. They must clear the hurdle of test marketing.

Goldschläger, however, is marketing gold.

There are some critics who complain about lax food regulation, safety having been bought off for the benefit of industry, suggesting that it is not good to ingest visible flakes of metal. Gold joins the list of items that can be clearly seen when excreted. These items include: corn, tomato skins, and gold. The gold industry says this puts their product in a class of nutritious substances.

Though only spoken of in hushed tones, ingestion is not without danger. There are still certain people who are gold crazy. A small subset of gold panners and diggers eager to stake a claim in a rich vein. There are still people among us who have gold fever.
It is not impossible that after consuming Goldschläger, you will be surprised by a man who dresses like a French trapper but talks like a pirate. “There’s gold in them thar Bowels!” he will cry.
If you are lucky an old man with a mule will pass by, in the nick of time, and holler, “Stand down man! That thar is Fools Gold!”

[This post be for Eric Musehl. Arg!]