David Raffin

Bears and octopuses, the problem and the solution.

A video about a job search. http://davidraffin.com

A video about Classical music and flag planting.

Rhyme or Treason (the hard fought illusion of choice)
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The Worst Magician in the World

I rarely cry. However, once I dropped a hat and as a result of that action I cried like a little girl.

Sadly, to this day, there are some who point at me and say, “He cries at the drop of a hat.”

I went to a picnic. Much food. Not as many bears as I’d hoped. Too many park rangers.

There are polar bears and there are bipolar bears. I know it’s politically incorrect, but I can’t stand bipolar bears.

I can’t bear it.
You never know how a bipolar bear is going to behave.
Sometimes they act like they’ve been in a beehive when they haven’t. Oftentimes they mope for days.

Often they pretend to be either cinnamon bears or honey bears. Do not be deceived.

Did you know bears rarely run into octopuses and vice versa?
(It would also be permissible to say octopodes, but not to a bear. When they are confused they often become angry.)

Hats. Two out of Five will have to suffice.
–

Virol. The Food For Health. Thanks, Virol!

Now, at Scribd, Rhyme or Treason (the hard fought illusion of choice) can be downloaded for just $1.99.
It can be had as a PDF- and sent, optionally, to many mobile devices.

Rhyme or Treason (the hard fought illusion of choice)

At 37 you grow a tail. This is normal. It is not functional. Don’t try to climb with it, or swing from a chandelier.
 
Not advisable at your age. That’s the problem with the later-in-life tail growth: the tail comes at a stage when it is inappropriate and inadvisable to swing from chandeliers; both concerns about social propriety and falling-and-not-being-able-to-get-up come into play.

Then again, damn social convention and limitations of age. If you have a chandelier, and a late-stage vestigial tail, swing. What good is a chandelier otherwise? They are a holdback to when men were shorter and grew tails when they were 23.

Washing machines and dishwashers are wonderful conveniences.
In the coming apocalypse, when the zombies arise, when civilization falls, when the power grid is decimated, It is the lack of clean clothes and the indignity of washing dishes by hand that I shall most regret.

Who am I kidding? I shall not wash dishes as I travel nomadically and I shall always wear new clothes pilfered from shopping centers. Though I will have to fight zombies while shopping, I mean stealing. I argue this is a crime of survival. I know there will be some survivors who demand that a capitalistic ethic must be adhered to even after the zombies rise. To them I say, “There is almost no difference between you and a zombie.”

Besides, I think those people will be trying to sell me something. There is nothing worse than a post-apacolyptic salesman. They’re worse than any zombie. The high pressure. The false appeal to desire. The zombies just want to kill you, and I find that refreshingly honest.

I will be in the Funny Times.

The Funny Times is a newspaper/magazine started in 1985, widely available in bookstores.
Here is the wikipedia entry.

Here is the Funny Times website.

These are the best restaurants in the world. I say so.
They are not in ranked order.

Kamasutra, Netherlands
http://www.restaurantkamasutra.nl/
Here is a photo of my food. The name is apropos as the place is located right in the red light district. Also, large mural in dining room.

Wok to Walk, EU
http://www.woktowalk.com/en/
WtW is my favorite fast food. It started in the Netherlands and has locations in many EU countries, and one in New York.

Papa G’s, Portland, OR
http://pappags.com/
PG’s is a vegan organic deli. They serve various hot and cold foods. Here is the food.

Old Wive’s Tales, Portland, OR
http://www.oldwivestalesrestaurant.com/
Long-time restaurant, menu and salad bar. Vegan and not.

Bamboo Gardens, Seattle, WA
http://www.bamboogarden.net/
Buddhist Chinese all vegan dining.

Hillside Quickie, Quickie Too, Seattle & Tacoma, WA
http://www.hillsidequickie.com/
HQ is a Rastafarian Soul Food Vegan sandwich shop. Here is a photo of my food. Potato salad used as a spread. Crazy Jamaican Burger includes plantains.

Vick’s Pizza, Olympia, WA
http://www.eatatvics.net/
Vick’s makes regular and vegan pizza on white or whole wheat crust with various toppings. Available by the slice or whole. There are two vegan sauces- white and yellow. The yellow is preferred.

Angel’s Thai, Olympia, WA
Google Map
There are many Thai restaurants. I prefer this one in Olympia. They have edible flowers.

Curry Corner, Lacey, WA
Google Map
Best Indian food in Olympia area, located far on outskirts. Also a small Indian grocery.

Chili Thai, Lacey, WA
http://www.chilithai.com/
There are many Thai restaurants. I prefer this one in Lacey.

Here I am sitting in the chair on the second floor of the Amsterdam, NL Sex Museum.